Over the past couple of years I have decided to pay close attention to my erratic behavior and very, well adored by everyone in my house, mood swings. For a while I truly thought that I might be Bi-polar. This was about 3years ago when I had a melt down of epic proportions because I felt everything on the planet was suppose to be under my control and I could not even function. I just wanted to eat and sleep. Much like today.
Despite the efforts of the universe trying to do me in I realized something. Well the realization came after research on mental illness/bi-polar disorder and hormonal challenges in women. I realized that MAYBE I am not insane, though family history and theoretically I still very well could be, but just maybe it is the simple fact that I am a woman and I suffer from hormonal issues, especially when the glory of my monthly cycle decides to drop in and rest it's lovely self inside my uterus. Where upon it props up it's feet, expecting to be fed & welcomed; the insanity ensues.
After, actually I still research things, man if ONLY I could figure out a way to get paid for all the shit I research on a daily basis I could have my old man retire and could just go and move where I want with my kids etc...Okay, I apologize for that tangent. I shall blame it on the hormones. Now after doing some research I started paying more attention to when I was having 'mood' disorder problems. I started paying attention to what I was putting in my body as well as what was going on around me. I started paying more attention to what type of space the other people in my life were in, my kids and mate, and how my moods reflected off of theirs. Noting sometimes that my moods were on a different playing field entirely sometimes. So I decided to start doing my own hormone/mood therapy.
Overall I have done pretty well. I still have debates about Bi-polar (I am never truly depressed) But I can be extremely overly annoyingly happy/hyper and flounce around in a nano second from one thing to the next and then a few days later I am short, testy and can be down right enraged at the drop of a hat. This is when I learned to keep my mouth shut and 'hide' as much as possible from any triggers that might set me off, on those particular days. Well, turns out you can not hide from mother nature.
I started seeing the patterns. The days, times of day, times of month when I was more, how shall we say, out of sorts. There is a week in each month that I truly have a hard time functioning. YES, you guessed it. The week is when mother nature, for a woman, and in particular me, decides to make my body her own leaving me no control and I must succumb to her no matter how hard I resist.
I have worked hard trying to keep a balanced diet, and to walk quite a bit. Walking helps my mood a lot. Making sure I take my vitamins and supplements everyday. However, I am starting to notice that despite all of my efforts and gained knowledge from research that the older I get the more complicated my hormones seem to make my life. I fear that the need to start some type of hormone therapy or something may be needed within the not too far off future if I am to survive the inevitable mentalpause (aka/menopause) the lye ahead of me.
But for today I am going to stay in my shell, hiding from as much as possible, for fear that I will burst into tears or rip someone to shreds if one of my buttons is not pushed just right. Simply because I can. Also, for the safety of others and my own sanity?.....
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