Monday Morning!

Here we are, Monday morning. Not sure how I am actually feeling as I have not caught up with myself yet. Hoping to do so as the day goes on. We shall see if I indeed remember to stop and care of my own physical self. I have started to really pay attention to my eating again, taking the vitamins/supplements I am suppose to, including my Calcium pills. Man this over 40 stuff is really starting to wake me up.

The weekend was good. Kids had friends over, watched some great movies and made good food. Did I take care of myself? Not really. I stayed active/busy but no actual focus to any detail on me. I had some pain in my chest, which I have had on occasion before. Never know how concerned I should be about it as it dissipates.

Right now I am dealing with my personal feelings of frustration with things I have allowed to create turmoil etc in my life, in general. I am trying to sort through the negatives and see if I can indeed make them positive and keep them that way or do I have to eliminate them from my life completely, This is such a difficult challenge. When you have established a family dynamic with someone and then realize that those dynamics need to change drastically in order for your family to move forward and be what it is meant to be, but then also realize that you may be the ONLY adult/parent who realizes this and has the willingness to make changes it is overwhelming. Not to mention the thought of making those changes for yourself and your children may all end up falling in your lap, alone, with little resource and no partner to make it happen it is frightful, to say the least. Still, I know that changes MUST be made in order for my kids as well as myself to survive and truly be happy and living how we should.

I truly get angry with myself in regard to how I have allowed so much to become wrong. In having not taken better care of myself and my personal being/life in turn I have set the stage for my young children to follow misguided footsteps. 

THIS is my main goal for now. To get organized, mentally, physically and emotionally. To void out the things that are poisonous to what we all have the potential to be. Starting with myself as the matriarch I need to be for this family.

So I go into the rest of my day knowing that I am the leader and they (my kids) are the followers. What do I want them to follow? This or that? I am going with THAT! So time to go and make one important change for that. A weekly schedule. The task for today.