As I weighed myself this morning I suddenly had the events of this entire last year fly through my mind, and I saw just how much I had been through in 2012. So suffice it to say I am more than ready to move forward and push myself in order to inspire those around me by being my own inspiration.
Between finally finding the proper school for my son, to his latest diagnosis/visit at NIMH I have a much better grasp on who he is and who he needs in me as his mother. Life as his mother, in particular, is always going to be an everyday challenge that goes beyond the 'norm'. But having components put into place for him that are helping him succeed as well as all of us learning how to live happily within his realm is becoming clearer each day as well. This is one of the eye openers that was needed for me to obtain a clearer vision of what I need and who I need to be.
Another component was my man and his personal 'epiphany', late in July 2012, that HE needs to step up and into his place fully, by my side as the other half of the parental part as well as him trying to be a better partner to me personally. Something that was lacking greatly. While there has been much improvement and we are making great strides moving forward it is still s work in progress. The work load is a bit lighter as well as much more love, compassion/passion and time are being invested from all sides.
The biggest eye opener I had was in October. October 8th 2012 at about 1:45pm, to be exact. I was home by myself and had to call an ambulance as my heart was beating so fast and so hard that I thought I was having a major heart attack, or something of that sort. As I was assessed in the back of the ambulance I was given chewable Aspirin and 2 nitroglycerin to get my heart rate & blood pressure down. And something showed on the E.C.G. So off to Washington Hospital Center I was whisked away with sirens blaring. By that night I was admitted and explained that I had had a heart condition for YEARS that I did not know about. The treatment for this heart condition was medications for the rest of my life and it possibly progressing and getting worse, or heart surgery to fix it. So on October 10th, 2012, I had heart surgery.
During my 4day stay in the hospital I had plenty of time to think about my life while being grateful I still had a life to be grateful for. I returned home and while recovering started to work on things right in front of me. My kids, my relationship (marriage) and my own mental health. Having such a major medical emergency changes your perspective as well as messes with you emotionally and mentally in ways you do not expect.
Having been through such a personal hardship as that I realized that I really do need to step up and take control. I am working on this, a bit more with more conviction and sincerity each day. Seeing your own mortality so visible before you makes you stop and look at all things with clearer vision.
Today is January 3, 2013....I am making a difference for myself in my life so that I may make a difference for others as well.
P.S. I weighed in at 192lbs. I had lost 18lbs last year, in 2012. With little effort. I am inspired.
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